Saturday, June 2, 2012

My twinners:)

I saw my babies.
I kissed them...and smelled them...and swaddled them up for bed tonight.
When I saw their heads snuggled together...I vividly remember the feeling of them snuggling like that on the INSIDE!

Definition: PAIN.

I am so happy they are out.
Reality is they shouldn't be here for another week from tonight....but I am so glad they are!

Even though I am crazy stressed and tired and sleep deprived just from the constant pumping all night long (I'm trying to imagine the exhaustion I will feel when they are actually HOME)....I can't wipe the smile off my face. We spend our days running back and forth to the hospital for feeding times and then back to Jaxson to spend time with him.

That schedule...mixed with work, cleaning every sqaure inch of this house in preparation for my babies coming home....Pumping and Pumping some more.....
oh yah...and HEALING from a C-section and blood transfusion....
you can imagine how crazy my life is right now. 

It was almost impossible to live through the last week of my life.
Being unable to see my own babies was torture.

Let me tell you something...

THEY WERE WORTH THE WAIT:)


I sure hope London always likes her brother this much:)
They love to be together. They sleep best squashed together like this!


It will break my heart if/when one of my babies comes home without the other.
Oh boy.....Jarom thinks I am hormnonal and irrational right NOW!
He ain't seen nothin' yet.

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London was awake for the first time tonight for her entire feeding!
We were in heaven....seeing her big eyes....and letting her kick and make hilarious faces at us.

She even held her daddy's hand:)

Then, of course, the NICU nurse told us it was time to swaddle them up and put them back.
Having a PREEMIE baby is so different.

I am struggling with "ignoring" my mother's instinct. That is definitely the hardest part of all of this.

I want to hold them and cuddle them and give them mounds of affection.
 Talk to them and let them hear my voice.

What they NEED is sleep. Rest. To conserve their energy for feeding time. To maintain their own body heat. In order to do that they need to be left alone and not over-stimulated.

It is so hard to leave them each night.

------

My little London
(with milk on her lips:)
oh my my my......I am so in love.


My baby boy Mason.
It just doesn't get sweeter. 


I knew for 9 (ok 8) months that I was having TWO.
I bought for TWO. I prepared for TWO.
It felt like TWO:) haha.
But I just couldn't imagine such a thing.

Now that it has come true...and I have been present the entire time to witness it all....I still can't seem to believe it. Maybe it's the anemia....or the blood loss...or the percocet....
but I truly can't get over walking into the NICU and turning the corner to see TWO entire little people laying there. They were inside me. They are MINE. They are perfect. How does this happen to somebody???
They have all of their parts!

Tonight I whispered into each of their ears that prenatal vitamins were overrated...because I am pretty sure that I threw up every single one....and then stopped taking them all together because they made me so sick. haha.

I am so happy today...it's hard to imagine that life could get better.
I can only imagine how happy I will be the day I bring them home to meet their awesome big brother.


xoxo

kristin


10 comments:

Brandie Page said...

I fully believe the NICU is one of those things that no one understands unless they experience it and anyone who experiences it prays no one else has too. I remember the 15 minutes every 3 hours and having to go home with out my baby after having two healthy babies next to my bedside and taken home the next day. My third was in the NICU and I was being tortured, bawling, and a straight up nightmare to everyone around me. I'm sorry you have to do that Kristin. They are so beautiful. And you are SUPER MOM! You're amazing.

Brandie Page said...

I fully believe the NICU is one of those things that no one understands unless they experience it and anyone who experiences it prays no one else has too. I remember the 15 minutes every 3 hours and having to go home with out my baby after having two healthy babies next to my bedside and taken home the next day. My third was in the NICU and I was being tortured, bawling, and a straight up nightmare to everyone around me. I'm sorry you have to do that Kristin. They are so beautiful. And you are SUPER MOM! You're amazing.

Carin said...

I totally agree with the comment above (I remember feeling every emotion), but am so excited for you. You deserve every ounce of happiness. :)

My cousin told me something with Zenock that I loved and held on to... With a preemie you just get to have and hold on to that newborn stage a little longer than everyone else with a new baby. Even though it went way too fast the preemie/newborn stage seemed to last longer with Zenock. It was more work, but I loved every minute of it.

Enjoy your sweet babies, they are adorable!

Lauren & Brandon said...

Ok. Your blog makes me cry every time I read it now. I love how twins snuggle together! It's the sweetest thing ever!! This almost makes me want to have another baby ASAP....and then I realize that mine is only five months old. We'll wait a little longer. :) But seriously, I can't get over their sweetness. And please tell me the tape on Mason's face doesn't hurt when it's peeled off!

Maranda said...

Kristin they are so sweet and beautiful! I love how they snuggle and want to be close to one another. How is Jaxson handling it all? He's going to be a great big brother/helper. Can't wait until you get to take them home!

Brittany said...

They are absolutely perfect!! Great job momma!! I seriously can't wait to hold them. . .both of them! Yea I'm in shock that there's two as well.:)

Jamie said...

Congrats Kristin! Those babies are so precious! It breaks my heart that you can't be with them quite yet. You and your little family are in my prayers, and hopefully you will be able to bring them home so soon! Take care and get well soon!

Katie said...

I've been following your blog for a while now and I am so excited for you that you finally have your babies!! They are so precious!! Congrats!! The NICU is such a blessing for what they do for our precious children but yes, it is heartache having to leave them there every night knowing someone else gets to see and take care of them. But when they come home, I think the joy is ten-times more because you have waited just that much longer to have them there with you. I am sure the NICU nurses will tell you this but when you do bring them home, they may freak out because of the quiet of home. They are use to the noises and beeps and lights of the NICU. Try to find some sort of white noise for home. It will help with the transition phase. Again, congrats!! I am so happy for your family.

Sabrina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sabrina said...

Seriously the SWEETEST things! I know I told you this but I LOVE those names.

Lucky Lucky Family of Five!