Thursday, May 10, 2012

One week down...

My twins are still in my tummy where they belong.
One week since contractions started UNDER MY BELT....only a few more to go.
I can do this:)

Today I ventured out of my room for 4 walk by the nursery.
There was the tiniest most precious little boy ever laying in a basinet inside the window.
 It made my heart MELT.
I thought to myself "That is the Tiniest baby ever! I am so excited NOW...I bet that is what my babies will be like!!"

Then I decided to ask a nurse what he weighed....because I was SURE that he was about the size my twinners will be. Ummmmmm he was.... 

ummmm.....not one possible way that my babies will be that big.
It was kind of an eye opener:)
I waltzed my butt back to bed and crossed my legs.
They are staying in there for another week...if it kills me.


Today marks ONE WEEK since I was isolated from the outside world and hooked up to many...oh many....beeping monitors and fed enough drugs to stock a small town pharmacy.

I have had my ups and downs.
Yesterday I literally bawled the WHOLE DAY.
Couldn't breathe the head nurse into my room bawling...have her call my doctor bawling...and have them all try to remind my why I couldn't sit on my couch AT HOME all day instead of on this bed without my SON.



Secret: I need him A LOT more than he needs me.
For example, I am call him and he says really sweet things... like how much he loves me and I'm the best mom in the world...but then pushes me off the phone to play with one of his nanny's or aunts, get taken to the store to buy more toys...or out for an ice-cream, etc.

He is having fun.

...but I know that he misses me....


Let's move on to Jarom for a second.

He is being Amazing.
I am like really really really glad that I married him.

He sleeps in a rocking chair in the corner of my tiny cell (hospital room).
He gets ready for work in the tiny bathroom and leaves for work early early.
Works all day long.
Comes home (oh...I mean to the hospital)....gathers my dirty clothes, garments and such and heads to layton to do the following chores: Take out garbage, wash my clothes, water all the plants, and pack the new list of items that I've thought of throughout the day that I desperately need.

He then comes back to the hosptial (brings jaxson and we spend an hour all together in my cell)
They walk to the cafeteria and get themselves dinner.

We hand off Jaxson to Nanny.

He rubs my back.
Holds my hand during blood draws and NST's.
Hooks up my legs and feet to the anti-blood clot boots (because I can't reach my feet)
Listens to my nervous breakdown and tears about how I haven't breathed fresh air or seen the light of day for a week and how there is NO END in sight.
Tucks me in bed.
Curls up in his chair and sleeps.
(last night he finally went to sleep after my 3:00 a.m. meds)

Then of course...he wakes up and does it all again.


Each day he has different demands...different chores and MANY responsibilities as he is running between the house, his job and the hospital...all the while trying to balance his wife's ridiculous emotions with his son's need to see him.

He is doing it all on ZERO sleep...and percocet for his new knee that he is currently icing.
He's also snoring...and it's the best sound in the world...because I am so relieved he is getting a few hours of sleep. 
Especially because....I CANNOT.


I didn't blog yesterday because there was nothing to say other than...

I WANT TO DIE (all in caps).

I didn't want to complain to all of I saved that for the 17 phone calls I made to loved ones...that I don't try to hide my feelings from:) haha!

However, today I am ok.
I am excited even.

My mom promises to clean my house.
I had visitors that brought me treats and books and comfy slippers and it was really really sweet.
My mom and sister are handling my preschool graduation tomorrow.
My brother in law is coming this weekend to put up baby swings and the last few things that I mentally need ready and waiting in their designated area before my babies come home...because I am a freak. (I will admit it completly)
My kid is happy and cuddling with nanny right now.
My sister in law is running errands for me.
My babies heart beats are beautiful and healthy.
and I slept until NOON.
....and ordered cheesecake for dessert which was delivered directly to my room.

I probably just made some of you jealous and wishing you were held captive at the hospital, sorry.


This weekend will be interesting..with Mother's Day on Sunday and my 28th Birthday on Monday.
I sure hope that I don't get depressed again:) Sitting here alone all day.

I wish I could talk to my brother Stephen who's on a mission on Sunday!  
I wish Jarom and I could dine on the patio of The Cheesecake Factory for my B-day like we did last year...and share spinach and artichoke dip.

Jarom even planned a road trip last year and surprised me with an entire birthday weekend...not to mention tickets to see WICKED! We also did a lot of talking about how badly we wanted another baby and what names we liked. Kind of ironic that ONE YEAR LATER....we are having 2 babies and have no idea what names we like!

OH how one year can change things.

The only plans I have for my bday this year include begging Jarom to help me shave my legs.


Above all I wish and hope and wish and hope that these babies are big and healthy and that I will someday recover from the massive tearing and stretch marks that consume my mid-section.
I. Did. Not. Know. This. Was. Possible.


My goal is to make it to Monday.
Then I will set a new goal.

In the meantime...come visit me.
And bring a Jamba Juice like my friend Chelsea did....because it was heavenly.





With Crazy Love Jeff and Jamie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chelsey said...

Just take one day at a time and you'll make it. The end is rough and twins equals double rough. I had 23 week twins awhile back and lost one. So I know each day counts. Hormones make it so much harder, but the end will come and you'll have two beauties to cuddle. My newborn is 11 days old and so precious. It makes the nine months of misery all worth it when you see their little face for the first time and you know that they are yours. Instant love! Take care.
BTW- Who's your doctor it sounds like you have a good one? and post some picts of your nursery when you go home because I bet its darling ;)