Sunday, December 11, 2011

Jarom's Bday, 12 weeks and Journal Entries!

Sunday December 11, 2011
Jaxson heading out the door for Church!
Me---on the couch begging for mercy:):)
December 7th we Celebrated Jarom!
Jarom's Bday was short and sweet this year. Considering that he worked 9 hours straight, made a trip to McKay Dee hospital with me to take a peek at the babies, went to dinner with his family at Texas Roadhouse, came home and WORKED for a few more hours on the phone---(like usual)---then opened a few gifts with the little man at about 10:30 p.m.

He was snoring on the couch within 5 minutes of me snapping these pictures.
Birthday's just aren't the same when you turn 32!

Jaxson was super concerned that we didn't throw him a big themed party like he always gets.
Why aren't we bowling at boondocks? Why isn't dad having a Superhero party?
What about a Snowman Party mom???

Oh...if only I had the energy.
I did my best under the circumstances:)
My constant sickness has turned into PURE exhaustion.
I can sleep for 12 hours straight and still need a nap!


The babies are growing fast!
I don't remember things going this quickly with Jaxson! Don't get me wrong....the past few months feel like its' been 3 straight years:) However, when I realize that I find out what these babies are in 3-4 short weeks from now (and therefore this whole thing becomes a reality) ...I panic a little. I DO NOT want to be pregnant anymore...but I do want time to slow down a little. I have WAY too much to do in preparation for them.
I DO have millions of ultrasound pictures!
I seem to go a few times a week actually:) 
Each time they send me home with handfuls of pictures. It is drastically different than with Jaxson! I had one ultrasound the entire time with him. Nowadays they tell me to stop in regularly and they'll let us say hi.
So we do.
We met at lunchtime on Jarom's bday to take a look. They were doing flips and somersaults in there. They were wiggling their little arms and legs. I'm sure glad they have lots of room in there...considering the muscles on my left side feel like their ripping in the night while I'm growing at ridiculous speeds to accomodate them. Ugh. I already pee an average of 6 time per hour too. I keep thinking what the next 5-6 months have in store if I'm enjoying life so much RIGHT NOW.
The ultrasound was unreal though...I must admit.
What a miracle.
I am looking very pregnant in person:)
I actually look a lot like I did when I was 6 months with Jaxson.
No fair.
But I figured it would be kinda like that!!!
Hope you have a fabulous week.
I plan on starting my Christmas Shopping!
Jounral entries from Sept. 11, 2011 to September 13, 2011
Sept. 11th, 2011-
I stared at my stomach and the syringe for a good 10 minutes before I was able to do it. Yuck. That wasn’t very fun. Once I got over the MENTAL part of stabbing my stomach with a needle…it was just fine…but man that was a hill to climb for me!
I should have been a nurse.
Why? Because I could get paid a lot of money to do that to OTHER PEOPLE. How hard could it be….especially when you’re not the one feeling any painJ haha.
Burned like a bugger for about ½ hour then I treated myself to a big bowl of ice-cream in celebration of my bravery. Ha!
Bring it on.

Sept. 12th, 2011-
Filled the syringe….injected it….piece of cakeJ
I am officially a pro.
NOW….about the giant shots Jarom will need to start giving me in the butt. Crap! I know it is coming…..but I don’t think I’ll never mentally be prepared.  I should have listened during my injection class last month…when the nurse said “I will not show you the needle.”   …..and then I made her.
She was right. It is big. Thick and LONG…and get’s to go deep into my hip muscle.
After all this….I deserve a baby.
That is just my humble opinionJ

Sept . 13, 2011
ONE shot a day….give me something hard! Ha! Today was the first day I was completely convinced that I can do this.
I better be careful what I ask for, huh?J
Considering my calendar says I jump to 3 shots a day…Oh….next week.
For tonight, I am counting my blessings. I feel really happy and at peace today.
I am grateful for the small part of my brain that forces me to get deeply motivated and energetic when I am under intense stressJ  I remember after giving birth to my first and ONLY child….I had a surge of energy and determination that I had never experienced before. I waltzed out of that hospital…nursed for the 3rd time in my life in the front seat of my jeep like I had been doing it forever and carried that 48 hour old baby boy into Walmart for a grocery shopping trip. See---my mom was coming to take care of us….and meet her only grandchild….and I decided to be the “hostess” instead of the “helpless” new mom that I actually was. I made a menu….purchased enough groceries for an army and didn’t sleep for 2 straight weeks from that moment. I picked up my mom from the airport and was ready to put a few miles on that new stroller of mine. I forced her to walk the CRAZY hills that fill every neighborhood in Omaha Nebraska for hours every single afternoon and we shopped til we about dropped (or my milk came in and I needed another nursing break in the Jeep).
I was NUTS.
Wherever that energy came from….It’s back.
My hunch is it's because I have been anticipating this next 6 weeks for SOOOO long. My mind, body and spirit are under so much stress right now.  At the end of it…I may be pregnant. The thought makes my stomach do flip-flops with excitement and anxiousness. Of course, it could not work and I know that’s also a possibility. Tonight I’ve decided to think only happy thoughtsJ
Today I did more than normally possible. I have found energy and happiness that has been hard to come by lately. I taught preschool to 24 happy and loving 4 year olds. I scrubbed the bathrooms, scrubbed and vacuumed my car top to bottom, made dinner, weeded yard and planted buckets of new mums and flowers that made me excited for Fall. THEN….I hit the treadmill with a smile. NOW….that NEVER HAPPENS.
I know that my Father in Heaven is watching me and comforting me right now. I know that I am being blessed with energy and positivity to make up for the complete and udder lack of good health. Haha!
For now, I am excited about the “process”.  I love Jarom for paying for it. I love him for holding my hand and being a shoulder to cry on for the past 2 years.  I love him for offering to give me the injection the other night as I paused and panicked and thought “crap…how will I do this.” Not just the shot…but the whole thing. How will I do it….and LIVE through it…if it doesn’t work. 
Starting it... meant I have to finish it.
So that is what I will do.
p.s. Jaxson is my angel on earth.
I plan on writing him a letter tonight. One that he can read when he’s older and that expresses just how important he is and how much he has helped me through the hardest period of my life. That little boy has had such a huge responsibility and he doesn’t even know it. He was sent to me for a reason. He is JUST what I need. He takes care of me.  He is and will always be my baby.  I also want him to know that although I have been solely focused on having another baby and adding to our family….if it was only the three of us FOREVER….I would be happy. He is Enough. He is perfect.


Kaleena said...

Your tree is beautiful and I am glad that they let you go see your babies whenever you want, that is neat.

Cris, Callie, and Cayten said...

Kristin, you are AMAZING! I don't know how you do it. I use to read yours and others blogs and thing "How in the WORLD does she do it all, have it all, etc." Thank you for showing us a very hard side to show. I hope your twins continue to grow and know they will be absolutely adorable just like your little guy!