Friday, February 25, 2011

purchasing a helmet...



I get CA-RAZY heartburn.
Like I call Jarom 6 times every morning at work and complain to him.
I even take my pills (super strength prescription pills)...but nothing helps!
...and I have been known to beg and bribe Dr. Taylor to hook me up to a heart machine...because I KNOW I'm having a heart attack. I just know it.

It's not fun.  

the best part is...the pills...combined with other pills...for headaches and such...make me nuts!

So...a few weeks ago when I had a migraine...NOT a small headache...but MIGRAINE....Jarom convinced me to take a Percocet. One leftover from Jaxson's Birth 4 years ago...so that's how you know I'm not much of a pill-popper:)

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Well...the COMBO was deadly.
Like it warped me into a not-so-stable-person....who was super protective of Jaxson in an "I-am-nuts-kind-of-a-way." 

In hindsight....Jarom had no chance this particular evening.

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 Sick or not...I had to run to walmart. I made Jarom come with me. 

Jarom gave in to the kid that was tugging at his leg and begging to roam the toy isle.

The BIKE isle is what really get's my kids heart pumpking. Does your kid do that?
The power wheels...to be exact.
The kid has more cars than I do and still think he needs more...
but that's not my point....

My point is: I had this revelation that he needed a helmet. And he needed it RIGHT NOW.

This is when our night took a turn.

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I thought to myself:
"He got a CHOPPER motorcycle for Christmas and when the snow/ice melts...I would prefer his giant head be protected. The thing goes 8-10 MPH I think...so better safe than sorry." 

I saw horrific visions of him needing stitches or all bloody....
and then I told Jarom we weren't leaving without one... 

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Jarom, against his will, started trying on any and all helmets with the 3-4 Year old label.
Not gonna happen honey.
The kid has had one humongous head since birth.

We both begged Jax to be in love with the decent looking ones....and NOT SO MUCH the hideous ones with The HULK and SPIDERMAN plastered on the side. eeewwwww.

THAT.WAS.NOT easy.


The kid bawled and bawled and bawled.
He hated the idea of wearing a helmet.
How uncomfortable. How annoying. How safe! How unfair. 


All available options squished his large head and he would grab the sides of his head and start shouting "PAIN PAIN PAIN" like a complete wierdo. ALL the time he was screaming and bawling like his limbs were being cutt off....when ALL we were doing was offering to buy him a 30 Dollar helmet to keep him safe. Where did he hear the word Pain anyhow???
His choice of words sometimes leaves me just dying in laughter.


I guess it was my fault for being a miss relaxed mom last summer...and then changing to the Safety Police on the poor kid over night:) hee hee

The scene continued...for about 20 minutes straight.
I was drugged...and on a mission people.
I'm not leaving this store without a helmet for the kid.
There was NO concvincing me otherwise.

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Jarom shoved one last helmet on him...and proceeded to threaten him and beg him into cooperation.
Jarom just couldn't seem to get the "Under-the-chin-buckle" snapped into place. 

I saw it all in horrific slow motion.

I first heard Jaxson's Blood-curtling screams echo through the Walmart Supercenter.
I knew what my not-so-brilliant-at-times...(but really brilliant at others:) husband had done.

I freaked.
Like....the-pills-took-me-over completely...and I lost all ability to make rational choices for a period of 90 seconds.

I started screaming too.

YOU IDIOT!!! YOU IDIOT!!!

Yes he did.
He had in FACT buckled a huge chunk of my childs NECK/CHIN into the buckle...and I didn't know if I was going to barf at the thought....or beat my husband. Would it be gushing blood? Oh...I'd faint....I can't handle this. Would a piece of his skin be ripped off? Hanging there maybe? OH....My...This cannot be happening. (Kind of dramatic...but I was drugged afterall:)

I ran in the opposite direction. My child running after me. 

Things running through my mind included but were not limited to:  
Why do you think it was so impossible to buckle honey?
Maybe something is in the way...did ya think of that genuis?
Maybe you should look...instead of SHOVE it closed anyways?
MEN ARE CLUELESS?!?!?!

Oh...my stomach did flips.

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People started running towards the screaming.
People flew to the bike isle...like someone was trying to kidnap my child...grab him right out of my hands and take off. I'm pretty sure the chaos convinced them that whatever was happening was BAD. Like REALLY BAD.

There I stood....screaming and hysterical...yelling at Jarom....

THEN

I came back to planet earth.
The whole thing lasted 20 seconds.
But that was enough.

I...

Unbuckled the helmet..through it to the ground...picked up Jax who wanted NOTHING to do with his Father....and started whispering in his ear "daddy doesn't know what he's doing. Daddy didn't mean to. Mommy will always do it from now on. You're ok honey!" while stroking the back of his head.

People slowly walked away with that "you just lost it lady" look on their face.

They were right. I did just lose it.

I didn't care.

I didn't remember anything.
haha

Jarom picked up the helmets strewn all over the ground.
 I decided that we will be going to Sports Authority to purchase a helmet that comes big enough for my little man and his large Head.

We walked toward the checkout like nothing had happened.


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Jarom leaned over and put his arm around me and said with a grin....

"I forgive you honey. That was your percocet talking."

hee hee

THAT RIGHT THERE...is why I married John Jarom Bishop. He's perfectly patient.
...We even laughed about it....
We make a good team.

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We headed to Dairy Queen....where I ordered a Large Cookie Dough Shake & a Corndog.
The best way to fix any situation.

Jaxson got one too.

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P.S. He's more terrified of helmets than ever.
P.P.S. We are not usually the ones making a scene at Walmart, rather the ones usually WATCHING the scene of crazy people at Walmart:) hahahaha.

This evening the Free entertainment was on US.
Well, on ME.

(Here's proof that he lived through the experience)
....and that he's silly, sassy and as handsome as ever...

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I want to freeze time.
I love him. I love this age. I want him to think I'm cool forever.
I love you little man:)

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Happy Date Night!

Me

5 comments:

joel said...

LOL...The funniest thing is I could picture the entire situation! Well it looks like he's okay. Did it leave a mark?? If it makes Jarom feel any better my mom zipped my brothers neck into his coat; so it's not just men! haha

joel said...

That last comment was me not Joel!

Mandi Brown said...

are you freakin kidding me.....ummmm who's side am I on........

michelle said...

Someday you are going to be so glad you wrote this one down! Glad you all survived! Oh, Wm zipped Brittany's tummy in her blanket sleeper when she was little once, maybe it is a guy thing.

Bryce & Brittany said...

Man...I wish I would have been there to witness that.:) You safety crazed percocet popping mom!:)