I have babies on the brain tonight for some reason.
Maybe it's because every friend I have has 3 or more...or is currently pregnant:)
Whatever the cause...it's resulting in some serious emotional thinking:)
(Jarom is probably sooo happy to be asleep at this moment)
Every mother remembers their first. child that is.
They stress...read all the books...buy everything in sight...stress some more.
Every mother says it goes WAY too fast and that their children are grown before they know it.
It's simple for the most part...and accepted as "Life".
When they realize their baby isn't a baby...they have another:)
I have resisted this. Fought hard against it, honestly.
(Why is this idea so incredibly sad and depressing to me?)
It happens to everyone...time passing and their children growing up and becoming independent.
I need to get over it.
I'm not alone.
But...wwwaaaahhhhh...I hate it.
I want a baby.
Not a new baby (although I would gladly take one...and to clarify...I want at least 5 more new babies at my house at some point)...but tonight I just want the boy I already have to be my baby. Again.
I liked him just fine.
I loved how he smelled...I love that he LOVED to nurse...I loved his huge eyes...and how he took 3 naps a day. We were the perfect match. Still are...only he is needing me less and less. I loved that when I got tired I could hand him to dad because their was only 1 child and 2 of us:):)
I don't like this feeling I have.
The one where I woke up and feel baby hungry...even though it feels like I was just sewing blankets to match every outfit imaginable...for Jaxson.
I kind of feel like I'm not sure I'll ever be READY. again.
Like...my weird, over-emotional side feels like he will feel replaced.
I'm not ready to say goodbye to "this stage".
The stage where it's just the two of us.
He's my best little friend.
Plus...he calls me his "angel" and I've taken a liking to it:)
I have to go now...I am a bawling mess.
I know all of the textbook answers.
You love ALL of your children.
You're not replacing them...you are giving them a friend:)
I KNOW all of these things...I just want to BELIEVE and FEEL all of these things.
Unless you are going to be mean and tell me to get over it (I already know that I need too...) or that I'm selfish (because you obviously misunderstood my post). I just need someone to tell me that they felt this way ONCE. Even for a second. Or that I'm right.
I like hearing that I'm right:)
Christmas was wonderful.