Sunday, May 23, 2010

Family Law...

I never post about Jarom's job.
To be honest...there is very little I can actually discuss about it on the WORLD WIDE WEB:):)...but I will say this:
We all love our husbands, which is precisely why we married them and slave away raising their offspring 24/7. We are all proud of them...their individual qualities, quirks and sense of humors.
...Getting that out of the way....I want to share an experience from this weekend....
THIS WEEKEND (which started at the spa:):) with a much needed pedicure and round of microdermabrasion...ouch btw)...I had an experience that enlightened me a bit to just exactly what my significant other does every day. I am shocked. I came home and hugged him immediately. I thanked him. I had a pit in my stomach for hours that I couldn't seem to shake. All men (or most) work hard. Some jobs are labor intensive, some are mentally exhausting, some more emotionally draining. All different...all necessary.
In a perfect world...I would wish that my husband had a Stress-Free Job that was rewarding and fulfilling 24/7. I would wish that he didn't see pain and heartache...and people at the lowest point in life. I would prefer that he didn't have 2 mediations scheduled for every day this which families will SPLIT permanently and kids will suffer: all the while he is being the referee to one big ugly fight.
But...since this world we live in is FAR from perfect...
I am super proud of his ability to do his job at all....and do it exceptionally well:)
"HE DOES THIS EVERY DAY!" I kept thinking to I stared in shock and disgust as these women who were filing and polishing and massaging....were childishly and selfishly discussing their first baby's daddy, second baby's boyfriends ex's baby...custody battles...blah blah blah.
They were talking about Babies! Children! Innocent little beings who had zero say into what kind of horny, disfunction they ended up in. They came to a mom...and dad...who they trusted and felt would protect them no matter what. They don't get a choice. Ever. These women were MOTHERS I kept thinking. They didn't sound like mother's. It was heartbreaking.
Here I was at the spa. Trying to enjoy and relax...and I left more uptight and stressed than ever before. I quietly and objectively listened for about 20 minutes...trying to remain open minded and wipe the "I hate you so bad I want to slap you.." look off of my face....
To no avail.
After 25 minutes I figured it was free game. I hoped for the best...and in a much worse way than my husband is even capable of...I offered up some advice (along with one of my husbands business cards) went a little something like this:
1- Do you think (because they will...oh they will) that your children will have permanent psychological damage from you using them as a pawn forever?
2- Are you really so lonely...that you just said to me "he only does pott" and that is ok with you?
3- Did you seriously just ask ask my husband...if you could take your boyfriends child away from it's mother and raise her as your own so that you could get child support? Money? Is that what this is all about?
4-How old are you again?
5-How many kids do you have? With how many people?
Are you on drugs lady!!!
At one point this has to stop. This permanent cycle of women thinking they don't deserve better. Of women who choose losers...or who choose ANY man over their children. Ever. Period. They chose to bring them into this world...and no amount of child support or a new boyfriend, or night out at some fancy/trashy nightclub should ever become a priority over a child. You are seriously sitting here talking about getting fake freaking eyelashes glued on for your big NIGHT OUT ON THE which you will most likely get hammered and have no clue that your child even exists....let alone misses you and never sees you.
(ok ok...I didn't SAY most of that. Or maybe I did. Just in a much more NICE and "I am on your side" kind of a way:)
What can I say...I am tough talker...but not do-er. ha ha.
I offered my very blunt and candid advice...and then followed it up with a smooth over comment such as "I totally understand your stress...I would be a mess if this was me too! You should call my husband ASAP!"
What I didn't scream was: Tell HIM about all this. I can't take it. Please please please stop telling me. I am going to bawl/barf/curl into the fetal position and rock back and forth for an hour pretending I didn't know this stuff really happens and then I am going to call child protective services...and I will fix this...I will!"
How does Jarom do this 50+ hours a week?
How does he listen and see the most depressing and horrible things on this earth. Drugs, families being destroyed, custody, children being dumped, left, abused, abandoned and fought over? How does he never bring it home...or let it damper his mood? How does he do that ALL DAY LONG and then come home to me nagging that the flowers need to be planted or that my planters need rearranging!?!
Do not take me wrong. I do not wish to come acrossed as insensitive or unsympathetic. I met and LOVE many of my old students in Omaha who have children, boyfriends who aren't always "there" or "supportive". I have also helped cousel and console many women who are struggling with addictions. I LOVE them...I keep in contact with them. Some of them are reading this here blog post:) That is different. Those women were seeking change. They were mature...they were fighting hard against all the evil in this world that convinces women they are less than wonderful and deserving of happiness. They faced there mistakes and demons head on.
These women. The ones I met this weekend...needed a much needed SHAKE into reality.
I don't have much more to say on the subject.
I was just humbled. I was grateful.
Some of us...a whole incredibly lucky, didn't we?!?:)
--- rock.
You do something every single day...that I could not.
You have a real strength and gift.
You have a big heart...and compassion for all. (even some who don't deserve it!)
What you do makes a difference.
I hope that SOME children out there are safer, happier, or well taken care of...because of your work.
I pray for the day that your particular line of work isn't needed:) But until then....I am so glad that those people have someone like you to lead them through such a "ROUGH PATCH" in life.
Love, Me.

1 comment:

Erin said...

I completely understand the feelings you were having with those girls. We live an a POOR little complex with people who are in terrible situations who ignore their kids, chain smoke and drink, blowing the smoke right into their 8 month old kids faces, have multiple partners or kids with different parents and it is so terribly sad to me. In a way I want to just wrap my arms around these people because I see how sad their lives are and some of it isn't their fault, it is all they know. But at the same time I want to smack them across the face and knock some sense into them. I don't understand how you can not bathe your children for WEEKS and not feel bad about it. Or I can't understand why if your boyfriend locked you in a closet for hours and kept you away from your baby for hours at a time why in H*** you would think it was okay to stay with him because you "Need" him or he "needs" you. It is so sad and I wish women could think better of themselves. It makes me more grateful everyday for a husband that works his butt off to provide for us and then comes home and cooks me dinner while I sit on the couch and stare into oblivion after a long day with my kids, all without complaining for a single second. We truly are lucky and blessed women!! I don't know what I would do without my john!