Friday, June 12, 2009

Bees...and more...

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I've always hated Bees. I am terrified of them.

Sharks and Bees: my two phobia's. Yes...I am constantly reminded that I need not fear sharks because I reside in a land-locked state with no ocean in site....


Yet the fear remains.


It is no small thing...I kid you not.


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I watch every single show thats airs during "SHARK WEEK" on the Discovery channel like some kind of pathetic nerd. Occasionally I turn to Jarom (who is as obsessed/fascinated/and terrified as I am) and say something like "WHAT IN THE_____DID YOU JUST SEE THAT?!?!?"


I can't imagine anything worse than being eaten by a shark.

NOTHING.


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Oh yah...back to Bees. My son has adopted my hatred for these creatures as well.

Like most two year olds...he took the idea and ran with it.

Oh my heavens...you can't pay for entertainment this hilarious.



EVERYTHING has SOMETHING to do with a BEE and how it is going to get us or where it's hiding or what sound it makes or what it's doing...
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He carries around a fly swatter for heavens sake

(I just realized how revolting that is...just now, as I was typing it:)

He thinks every single bug or fly or insect or creature is a --- BEE ---


He will slap at the window over and over saying proudly..."don't worry mama..I got the bee!"
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You see...today he told me an entire story about a Bee.

The Bee flew at him...then landed in his hair...then went in his eye...then bit his shirt...then died.

I just nodded and smiled.
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Last night he couldn't go to bed because a BEE was in his sheets...and the other day his happy meal included an airplane toy which he insisted was a BEE...not a plane.
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He scream bloody murder at the Bees baseball game in SLC a few weekends ago...anytime the giant Bee mascot came near us! It was FREE entertainment for several other fans that day...man did he have the crowd around us laughing!
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Come to think of it....I sure hope he isn't traumatized or in need of insect therapy:)

You know...those classes that force you to face your fear head-on. Like dress him in a beekeeper suit and let them swarm him...proving that when surrounded by 1 million bees you will only be stung 100 times:) Then trying to convince him that those were actually great odds...and that Bees don't hate your guts just "BECAUSE".


As my Grandpa says "There not out to get you!"

W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R

they are too.


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Like 3 summers ago when I was a big fat pregnant whale, minding my own business, floating on my blow up mattress in the pool. For no apparrent reason it flew at me...stung my foot then my leg and flew off. What in the_______!!!!

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Yes I cried...

and yes my enormous body fell off the tube and made a splash one could only compare to a "tidal wave..."

While I tried to get my barings...and come to grips with what had just happened...some random single, young, mildly attractive man (not as cute as my Jarom...but not half bad either) rubbed dirt from the nearby flower bed on my foot, massaged my water-retaining ankle to soothe the pain, and convinced me that dirt would suck the stinger out:)


Damn Bee. It was humiliating.

Onlookers were shocked that I was crying I think.

IT FREAKING HURT.


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Regardless of what you might think...we haven't had a bad experience with bees at our house. One in which should be blamed for this extreme reaction and fear, that is.


Sure the other day Jarom dicovered that a swarm of the nasty creatures had built a nest inside the door of my Jeep...so I jumped from the car like it was on fire...flung open the back door and jerked my child out of his seat screaming like a lunatic....but I don't think he knew exactly why or what was going on?!?!?



It couldn't be my fault. Not a chance.


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He's never been stung...I've never told him to hate them or made him purposely scared of them?!? Maybe he's just smart, ok? And he recognizes their use-less-ness to this world.


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He also growls at them when he sees them flying around.

It's a strange noise that comes from the back of his throat...that always makes me laugh.


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Last week a moth got in our house.

This was not good. Not good at all.


My son went running and flailing around the family room grabbing all of his baseballs and throwing them at the light fixture (where the moth had landed) screaming:

"I WILL KILL THE BEE MAMA!!!"

"OH MY GOODNESS! OH MY GOODESS"

"DO NOT GET US BEE!"



I swear some days can get pretty entertaining...I sure wish I had the energy to remember half of his dramatic explanations during the day. This is just such a fun age:)


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You may be thinking that I am creating unnecessary fears in my child...but I say I am protecting him from the hellish experiences that could ruin a perfectly beautiful June afternoon outdoors!


Like getting stung by a BEE:)
(the MORE I was reffering to...)
My son is getting sooooo good at baseball.
I'm being honest. It's impressive to me. He hits 8 out of 10 Every Stinkin Time.
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Plus...are you serious???? Look at that stance.
ohhhh...he get's so serious about his "ball game"
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I'm still holding on to the dream that he'll go pro and make millions...then buy me a house:)
ha ha ha. I'm only partially kidding by the way!
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I personally love watching him swing with everything he's got.
I can't wait to sign him up for T-ball in a few years.
I'm afraid he'll think the T is lame-o and wonder why someone isn't "pitching" to him....like the ball players on TV.
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I recognize how these picture have nothing to do with Bees or my topic of discussion for this post:) I just love sunny summer afternoons and banana popsicles....so wahlah! You have pictures of both. It stopped raining finally...hallelujah. We spent the day outside.
YYYYEEESSS....it's the weekend. I might actually see my husband.
On my birthday a few weeks ago I wished that we could go back to life as "STUDENTS".
I don't think it's going to happen, unfortunately.
Man, life was so much better...and I saw a lot more of my hubby:)
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All you CREIGHTON friends...ENJOY every minute!
Real life is poopy.

2 comments:

Allyson said...

Oh my gosh. I'm terrified of sharks, too! Like, I can barely breathe when I step in ocean water. Love that.:) P.S. I can't stop laughing at the "I'm miserable" post. Those pictures were hysterical. Thank you.:)

Bryce & Brittany said...

So not true Creighton Friends....I love life outside school! I get to see my husband WAY more and we have lots more money!:) Anyway.....I love this post....it made me laugh! I am positive that you should write a book! Any book, about anything...it would be hilarious.....and a Best Seller....I'm serious! I too hate bees...and sharks for that matter but I worry about them a lot less because of the simple fact of living no where near the ocean.:) I will have to disagree with one little statement in that post though....unfortunately bees are not USELESS, they make honey! And I LOVE honey!:) Can't have one without the other.....dangit! Well anyway...... I love ya.....and you need to call me back. I called you yesterday and left a message with your mom. Did you forget about me??