Wednesday, April 8, 2009

FAITH

This post is different.
Different than my usual rantings about Jaxson...My baby...My Son...
and his complete irresistable-ness in my eyes:) ha ha.
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The last 2 days have been rough. More specifically the last 24 hours. I have a million thoughts running through my mind and I'm a bit emotional about each of them. I bounce violently between tearful, quiet moments...and angry, revenge-filled ones.
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I know the exact root of "THE" problem...which is too close and personal to share here....but "fixing it" is out of my control. I hate not being in control. This fact is particularly difficult because I'm what we refer to in my family as a "FIXER". A problem is posed....the solution is always so clear-cut in my mind.
I "FIX". That is what I do.
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I have a real "thing" with Fairness too. Fairness holds hands with Honesty--- in my mind. They go together.....and when someones actions, words or behavior are neither Fair or Honest....I have a problem with it. Bottom line.
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I think EVERYTHING should be fair....110% of the time.
The problem (and it's a big one): Life isn't fair.
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One Example of my "Fixing": Stephen (my younger brother) has friends that are immature and rude to him on occasion.
My Solution: Give me their address! I will take care of it...most likely with a few non-lady like words that will bring them to their knees. and Yes, I am totally serious.
Example: Jarom has frustrations with school, work, whatever it is. He then tells me about them....
My Solution: "Work harder, be more efficient, study longer...blah blah blah...all things that DO NOT HELP AT ALL...and although they seem the obvious "FIX" in my mind...they don't fix a thing. They usually end up only hurting.
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This brought me to calling my Mother-In-Law this morning. She is wise. She is one of my bestest friends on earth. I love her...I learn from her...and she has many qualities that I do NOT possess. I will someday....I am only a work in progress...
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She talked to me for hours. She let me cry...she let me say really awful things about what I "wanted" to say....what I "wanted" to do...to "FIX" this situation. See....Jeri isn't a "FIXER"...she's a LISTENER. Which is so so so so wonderful. No wonder my husband is such a good guy....he was raised by One Wonderful Woman:)
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Venting to her made me feel better. She shared a wonderful thing with me. Her motto to live by...if you will. She said...."Kristin...I know this is hard...but this always helps me feel calm. I just repeat these three things and try to do them!
Be Supportive, Be Positive and Be Faithful."
...and instantly I knew what I needed to do....
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You see...some people are born as sweet and as genuinely kind-hearted as my mom-in-law Jeri. Unfortunately, although my heart always means well, I wasn't born this way. At all.
I needed to hear those 3 things...I need to practice them...and put them to use.
I'm sure my husband would LOVE if I were occasionally more of a "LISTENER" than a "FIXER"...and for now I am going to try to do just that. (although, for the record, he enjoys my sassy, fix-it side as well. he he) I ALWAYS support his decisions...I, oh how I need to do this, but I WILL work on being Positive...and I do have Faith.
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I was also listening to the words of a song today on my IPOD that were very enlightening.
...It helped a lot...
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"Like stones in a river we are tossed and turned--- when the current moves so strong.
but Stones in living waters--- over time---are shaped until the edges are gone.
Polished and smooth---that's what we will be-- if we put ourselves in gods hands.
-
Each day of our lives is a gift from the giver and they smooth all the edges like stones a river
The trials of our lives, work for our good...if we let the saviors love surround us.
...and Refine us!
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Good huh???
I obviously have "rough" edges that need to be smoothed! Maybe that's what these few coming weeks and last few days are doing. Trials...over time...will ultimately help "shape" me into a better and more stronger me. If I have FAITH...my trials will in return REFINE ME.
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All in all I'm one lucky girl. Trials and all.
I'm off to get all primped up for a date with my hubby tonight:)
We GET to go to the Temple.
slc temple 560
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---maybe a great dinner and a little ice-cream will be involved as well, who knows???---
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Although I tried to successfully complete 1 single post without a gazillion pics of Jaxson...I am about to fail miserably. On days like this I cherish his craziness even more.
HE CAN ALWAYS make me happy...and can always make me laugh.
A childs innocence sure has a way of bringing you back to reality...and quick.
***
After tub time...I lotioned him up and spiked his hair like a wild man! He thought it was pretty great...and we then pulled faces and learned to growl like a dinosaur:)
hair
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laugh
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giggle
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I loved this face. Priceless. I can't help but laugh.
faces
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Scary. He learned to growl like a pro.
growl
The only problem is when I growled back...he was scared to death. Little chicken. ha ha!
He got a look of terror, thought for a moment...and his bottom lip turned out and started shivering. He looked at me and said "BE NICE MAMA!"
frown
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scared
Not to self: he CAN growl at you...you CANNOT growl at him.
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THANKS JAXSON for making my days better and my life worth while!

2 comments:

Erin said...

What a great mother-in-law. I think almost ALL girls need to be more like her and stop trying to FIX everything and just listen!!

I hope everything gets better. Sorry you are going through tough times.

I love Jaxson's crying face. We growl at our kids 24/7 at our house and I will growl my meanest and Claire just looks at me like I'm a retard! I guess playing "scary" isn't my thing.

GOod luck with everything.

Erin P.

Nathan & Kayla said...

Having faith can be hard at times and staying positive can be even harder...I'm sorry you have been having a rough time. Come visit me this weekend and we will forget about life for a day or two. It always helps to hang out with ME! haha :) I have felt that feeling of not knowing how to handle things but turning to Heavenly Father has always helped. Have a good night at the temple! :) and I am pretty sure I have the cutest nephew on the planet! I always am bragging about him and wish I could see him everyday. Love you!