I saw them...

A saw the TWO of them again yesterday afternoon.
My babies.

Snuggling head down...where they seem to fit perfectly snug against eachother...with HIS body wrapped nicely around HERS. 

I think a LOT about their relationship and what it will be like lately.
Will they always be friends?? Will he protect her and look out for her in school?? Will he REFUSE to let any of his friends date her?? Will he forgive me for making them match until they are old enough to have a say?? Oh boy.  

How is this happening to me???
I am dead serious.

One boy. One girl. One pregnancy.
Miracles do happen:)

In 8 weeks I will be a mom of THREE.
I feel very blessed.
I want to scream I am so excited.

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Bringing Jaxson home was the funnest thing I've ever done.
I didn't want to close my eyes...for fear that I'd miss a single moment.

I actually tried to stay awake for a few days...and then I remember falling to sleep in the middle of a nurse trying to explain how to hook him up to the jaundice lights in our family room at home. Thank goodness Jarom was on top of things:) I woke up hours later...feeling DRUGGED. 

You guessed it...I bawled! I couldn't even stay awake while they explained how to take care of my 3 day old child!! I was a failure!!!

Looking back, I was a tad bit hard on myself.  haha.

When he was FOUR days old.... I bawled my head off to my mom, as I nursed him at 2:00 a.m....HE was going to grow up!!! That was NOT ok with me!!!

(I think the unstable emotions may have had a little something to do with all the percocet Jarom kept feeding me every 4 hours.....)

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The truth is: I need to figure out how to quit obsessing over TIME. 

I am in some intense pain right now...but even with horrific pain, insomnia and heartburn that cannot be described...I have still decided that I want to keep then inside...where they can't start growing up.

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I am so grateful to be giving Jaxson a little brother...I can't even tell you.
Today while I was styling his mohawk, he leaned in and wrapped his arms around my belly.  He then said to me..."mom I know it doesn't matter...and I DO love both babies...but which side is the BOY ON AGAIN???"

haha.
He wanted to kiss him.

He is so excited.

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NONE of this seems real.

At all.

This is entirely to overwhelming.

This is entirely to amazing.

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The only part that seems REAL is how I look and feel physically. 

I am actually quite certain most nights, that upon closer examination, they will surely find 3-4 people inside me right now...I'm so big and uncomfortable. Words don't even do it justice people....

Knees, elbows, heads, random punches to the bladder and kicks to the ribcage are a constant in my life at this point. So is sweating like I just completed 4 straight hours of ZUMBA...just because I round brushed my hair. YIKES. I am so unattractive right now:)

I actually had them try to locate my stomach yesterday during ultrasound.

Come to find out..it's shoved up somewhere behind my right ribcage along with 2 baby boy feet of course.

I am having issues with food. It doesn't fit and so I never eat.

If I DO eat...2-3 bites will fit before the rest starts making a come back:)

(your welcome for the lovely visual)

I thought this was gonna keep me from gaining ridiculous amounts of weight.

NO SUCH LUCK:)

I am happy to report...I can eat NOTHING and still gain 5 pounds in 1 month.

I am talented like that. 

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It is surreal I tell you. 

My body is pretty much giving up.
My belly button looks like it's hanging on for dear life.
If I roll over in bed it feels like I could possibly dislocate a hip.


It's not glamorous that's for sure.
But it sure feels like the best thing that's ever happened to me:)



xoxo
Kristin