overflowing..

I don't even know where to begin.

 

I quit blogging. Not on purpose. Not forever. 

 

My life is just so FULL right now.

 

Full to the brim...and overflowing several times a day.

 

Just when I think I have things under control....my kids wake up from a nap and teach me that "control" was something of my past:)

 

Today I panicked.

 

Life is TOO Full right now. I am missing it.

Have you ever felt physically present for something...but like you were missing it at the same time?

 

It's as though I am unable to enjoy special moments...because I am already dreading it's passing.

 

...and as result...my heart is overflowing.

 

 It's overflowing with gratitude that they are mine. That I get to stay home with them and be the one who experiences the everyday! Overflowing with happiness that I don't ever miss a milestone, a smile, an opportunity to teach them or cuddle them. It's also overflowing with sadness that I don't have the luxury of a "pause" button or even a "rewind" button in order to re-live the perfect moments over and over. Like this week when Mason learned to crawl and I started sifting through the archives of my brain trying to remember the tiny baby who COULDN'T MOVE! I almost couldn't remember it. I had to dig through pictures and stare at them for several minutes straight just to REMEMBER that moment and mentally re-live those days that are now long gone. My heart is overflowing with questions....will these be my last babies? Will I ever experience THIS stage again? If not, how do I find a magical way to SOAK IT UP even more so than I already am!

 

It's also overflowing with Insecurities. Often times I can't remember who "Kristin" even is.

What do I enjoy? What are my hobbies...talents...interestes?

 

I have been in full blown "MOM OF MULTIPLES MODE" for almost a year now...and my eyebrows haven't even seen a pair of tweezers people! I don't even look in a mirror most days. For example, I  found some time to workout a few weeks back....and I had to drink a 44 ounce Dr. Pepper just to stay awake on the treadmill:)

 

Life is OVERFLOWING in so many ways...some good and some bad.

 

 

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Don't get me wrong...

 

I love life to be FULL...full of happy moments, stressful moments, BABIES and more BABIES, church callings, a Kindergartener (which brings with it a list a mile long: learning to read, Saturday basketball games, soccer starting soon, tumbling, playgroup and constant begging for me to drop what I'm doing and play the Wii) birthday parties, teething, crawling and more. Much more.  

 

But over the past week I recognized something...

 

Amidst the BUSY Overflowing life that TWINS and being a mother of three creates... I have lost BALANCE.

 

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Balance is KEY to being a woman.

At least....a freaking hormonal one...which would be me:) Hello...my name is Kristin. 

 

My years of infertility taught me something....I didn't get the CHOICE about my hormones or my chemical makeup and I don't get to change it....I get to embrace it. Although, I hate the idea....I KNOW that accepting it and learning to understand what I NEED to keep functioning is key to my happiness (and as a result, my families happiness:)

 

For me...that is BALANCE.

 

When things start getting insane for Jarom at work and I don't see him often enough, when I overschedule Jaxson or myself, when I commit to TOO much, when I don't give 100% of my efforts to things that matter to me....I start to feel stress build up inside and it slowly accumulates until I BURST. Jarom will tell you....being at my house on the day it all comes OVERFLOWING is not fun. Enter..this past weekend. Ugh.

 

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So tonight while my entire family is sleeping...I am wide awake...trying to evaluate life and re-prioritize.

 

I am making a list of things that MATTER...to ME.

Things I want to learn.

Things I need to CUT from my life so I can spend more time being truly present.

Brainstorming ways that I can find "ME" time without being selfish or neglectful of my children.

 

I know it sounds crazy....but that is a BIG hangup that I have.

 (obviously why I am so terrible at Balance:)

 

I give 100% of myself to a cause...and right now that is my children. They are young and need me more than ever...so I willingly give it to them.

 

The only problem....I KNOW that I would be a better mother if I could convince my brain that it is OK to do something I like on occasion....or do something for myself. (I must need therapy...because even typing it or saying it ouloud sounds so gross:):) So selfish.

 

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I have a few ideas of where to begin.

Baby steps...baby steps....

 

 

What do you do for yourself?????

 

xoxo

kristin

 

 



Happy 8 months to my Twins!

My Twins are 8 months old today!!

It's hard to put into words how wonderful the last 8 months has been.

It's hard to put into words how crazy, exhausting, full of joy, overwhelming and fabulous....yet run around almost dizzy with so much to do every minute of every day...busy it has been.

Twins change your life.

***

It is a dream come true. 

They are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

January 23, 2013

Miss London Kate is my princess. She is so sweet and also tenderhearted. She is a mama's girl through and through! If I leave the room...she whimpers and cries. She is IN LOVE with me...and I can say that...because the feelings are mutual!! I am smitten by her:) Sometimes I look at her and feel like I might burst with joy! I need to TONE DOWN my hopes, dreams, goals and plans for her future. I don't want her feeling intense pressure when she realizes that she is my everything!! haha!

I want her to be sweet and classy and handle things with grace. I also want her to be witty and have a sense of humor...I want her to love girly things...like pedicures, and fingernail polish and of course, the theater and DANCING:) The list could on.....

Oh! I have so so many plans for me and this little girl of mine.
She is and will always be my BEST FRIEND. 

London at 8 months old is:

Rolling

Sitting up on her own

Eating fruit, veggies and rice cereal

LOVES to nurse

Getting her First tooth

Loves to be entertained by her brother Jaxson

Loves to cuddle and be tickled

Loves to Jabber and talk to me

and LOVES her feet!

Mason James is my angel. I have never seen a sweeter more content baby. He is so relaxed and happy all of the time. He LOVES books and absolutely freaks out when I read to him. He is so lucky to have a big brother and dad who adore him. Those three boys will be best buds their whole lives...I'm certain of it.

Something about my little boy...just melts me. He makes my heart almost burst when I look at him! He is so giggly and happy and easy to please. He truly makes my life so much better!

Love me Macer man. 

Mason at 8 months is:

rolling everywhere!

almost crawling

can scoot backwards like a professional

Loves his brother Jaxson and always laughs at him

Loves to eat more than any baby I've ever seen....he makes noises the entire meal and I can't seem to feed him fast enough.

Has the biggest eyes and smile I've ever seen

sleeps 8-10 hours a night



Life with these TWO couldn't be better.

With the cold weather...we are stuck indoors all day everyday....but we make the most of it! I thought I'd get bored and sick of it...but they keep me busy and make me so happy. I worked REALLY REALLY hard for these two little miracle in my life...and they sure know how to cheer me up. They are on a very good routine and love their schedule. Their lives are so predictable....which makes mine the same...but I have grown to love it and know that this stage is only temporary! I am embracing it to the fullest.

I have made several goals...some personal and some together with Jarom for our little family.

I know it's only the 23rd...but I am so happy to report that I have stuck to all of them so far:)

I have truly simplified and chosen the most important ones and I'm somehow making time for every one of them! It makes me happy to notice the change and see how much it's effecting me and my children.

Hope everyone is making the most of this FREEZING January!

I am off to deep clean another closet:) haha

Getting every cupboard, closet and drawer in this entire house organized and de-junked is another goal of mine before Spring....so when the sunshine decides to show up...I can pack these babies up and spend our afternoons at the park instead of indoors!

xoxo

Kristin

Christmas at our house...

Our Christmas was fabulous.

I guess that's what happens when you drive to your mom's house...enjoy her amazing cooking and let everyone love on your babies for 4 nights and 5 days straight. It was difficult coming home and back to reality. Something about being away from your own house allows you to fully relax:)

The kids were great. I think that contributed to making the holiday extra special! Jaxson couldn't have had more fun. He hung out in pajamas for days playing with his new toys and mastering his new Wii games.  The twins were darling and so excited about everything. They even posed like professionals for my pictures and acted as though unwrapping a gift was the best thing on earth. Jarom spoiled me with a trip to the Spa, some clothes, a gold watch and a MAC giftcard. Good thing I made that VERY detailed list so he would know exactly what to get and where from! haha!

I loved this year SO much because I finally splurged and decided to surprise Jarom. I NEVER do that.

I did a few years ago with an Ipad....(when they just came out)...and he gave it to Jaxson. FAIL. I think his exact response was..."Thanks. What would I do with it?" ummmm. Alrighty then.

So...Jaxson inherited it...and it houses a few thousand songs and a few hundred movies and games.

Little did I know I was buying the best BABY SITTER on the planet.

My gift backfire actually turned out to be the smartest thing I've ever done for myself:)

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Jarom is hard to surprise. All the things he wants are expensive! Isn't that the hard part about growing up???? And considering I have to ask him for all the money around here....I didn't want to ask for money to go buy him a gift! So...I did the obvious thing...used a VISA that he didn't know about and then told him to pay the bill:) Wahoo:) worked like a charm. He didn't even see it coming.

I got him a whole slew of tools...my parents gave him finish nail guns and a compressor and I gave him a compound miter saw and stand, etc.

NOW....I will be designing a "mud room area" for him to build in my garage...complete with little coat hooks and a place for my kids rainboots! YES...I will be using HIS gift to MY advantage:)

It's just how things work around here:)

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Christmas Eve was wonderful.
We started off at the Bishops! We celebrated with them like it was Christmas Morning. Jaxson got a Darth Maul double ended light saber (on his list:) and a hulk punching fists to beat up his dad. We got lots of fun things...and had a yummy turkey luncheon complete with their Danish tradition of Ableskivers! They are seriously so good...and dangerous...because I can eat like 15 in one sitting....and they are far from healthy:)

Jaxon loves them too....and I'm sure next Christmas the Twinners will join in!!

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We then headed over to my parents house for our Christmas Eve Traditions! I love Christmas Eve so much. My mom knows how to make things super special. I hope to be just like her in this department.

We had the biggest, yummiest Ham/Turkey/Shrimp/Cheesy potatoes/pretzel salad/etc. sit down fancy dinner and then headed downstairs for Pajama time! My kids always open Christmas Pajama's and a game to play as a family. This year I also decided that we would add new Minky blankets on Christmas Eve:) It sounded like a fun thing to me...but Jarom wasn't as thrilled. I don't know what my deal is with buying baby blankets. It's a rush:) haha.

Jaxson got the game Headbands...and my entire family played with him for over an hour. He has been the ONE and ONLY grandkid for YEARS....and my siblings are so good to him. He is kind of like everyone's adopted child and get's more love than humanly possible at times.

 This year was exra special because EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY SIBLINGS CAME HOME FOR CHRISTMAS! It was a big crowd....but it was perfect. Every moment of the 4 straight days:)

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Jaxson then decorated sugar cookies for Santa! This year I made sugar cookies a few days in advance and froze them:) It worked like a charm. Kinda strange that this is the one thing I've never done with him before?!?! He loved it...and it really helped him get even more excited!

My mom gave all the adults darling pajama's....mine were hot pink and adorable:) I will NOT be sharing a picture for obvious reasons...this blog is about my children...not me running around covered from head to toe in hot pink pj's. No thanks. 

My parents always give us a special Christmas book to add to our collection. I love it because I have a huge assortment of Christmas books to read to my children throughout the season. My parents always write a special not on the inside cover with their testimonies and my dad reads the book aloud to us. It's really special and always something I look forward to. It is also DEFINITELY one of those things I will continue with my children:)

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It was then time for bed! I got to work with Jarom setting everything out for the kiddos:) We had to arrange a place for Santa to dump his load for over 15 people in one family room. It was challenging...but we squished and it was a lot of fun! It is so much fun being together as a family and seeing the excitement on the kids faces. Priceless.

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Miss London Kate's corner

Mason James' corner

Twins combined stash!

....and my favorite picture of all...
My JAXSON coming downstairs to see what Santa left him.
He got his new bike:)

London arched her back in her bumbo and grabbed her baby doll from her pile! So glad she liked it:)

The twins LOVED everything! It was so so so much fun for me to see them get excited and actually play with stuff.

Jaxson got Skylander Giants...his dream come true!

Teamwork!

Opening his new Wii game, portal, etc.

Banana teethers for the Twinners!! These things are a must!!! Serious...if you have a child ages 4 months-18 months....go to Amazon immediately and buy one. Best 10 bucks you'll ever spend.

We spent Christmas afternoon amongst piles of stuff....(which explains the mess behind the twinners...please ignore it). We ate yummy food, visited and the kids played with their cousin Lexi. It was such a nice relaxing break.

London later on Christmas day...playing with a few of her toys:)

The following day was a HUGE snowstorm...which meant sledding and snow fun for Jaxson:)
I love to see him this happy.

We took him sledding at John Adams park....where both Jarom and I used to sled when we were his age!

It took a few weeks to get back in the groove of REALITY and life.
But....I've accepted that it's JANUARY and I'm making the best of it.

I'm organizing, cleaning out junk drawers and closets, starting to exercise (a little...when I can find a minute) and Jarom and I made some goals for our family this year! We even planned our big FIRST vacation as a family of FIVE and are looking forward to spring!

I hope everyone had a magical season and holiday break!!

xoxo

Kristin

Life

Things have been busy around here.

Christmas was perfect.  

I think this was our favorite Christmas so far... in the entire 9 years we've been married!

Having 2 sweet little babies to share it with definitely pushed it over the top and made everything more magical. We had a relaxing 4 days sleeping, eating and lounging around grandma's house!

The fun continues with a party tonight in Salt Lake...and a hotel room for New Years Eve so Jaxson can swim and hottub his little heart out. Tomorrow we join the rest of the world and start with some new goals....the number one being EXERCISE for the first time in 18 months. Ugh. I am certain it will hurt and I will be capable of about 5 minutes of cardio before wanting to cry or passing out:)

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I wanted to post a few pictures quickly....and hope to do a HUGE Christmas post (for my memories) later this week! 

Having Twins is like a dream come true.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.

Sometimes I feel like I'm going to lose my mind.

I wouldn't trade it for anything.

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Our Christmas card this year:)

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I love when it snows on Christmas! This year was perfect...NO snow until Christmas eve:) Then it snowed us in at grandma's for days...just the way I like it. I LOVE to see Jaxson's eyes light up. It's crazy that his excitement is possibly my favorite thing on earth. When that little boy giggles or gets excited for something...it makes my day.

It is possible that I maul these babies TOO much!

I love spending time on the floor playing with them and just enjoying this stage. I love the chubbiness, the smiles the slobbery kisses and I will make a complete idiot of myself trying to get them to laugh out loud!

I think I did my hair once in 4 days over Christmas break:) It was HEAVEN.

The Twins reading their Frosty the Snowman singing book. They loved opening the pages and listening to the music. I love these pictures so much!

The Twins in their "MY FIRST CHRISTMAS" comfies:)

My favorite picture of this Christmas. Jaxson walking down to see what Santa left him:) He was pretty excited about the new bike!

The TWINS hanging out on Christmas Day....don't mind the mess of toys and gifts all over behind them:)

We didn't clean up for DAYS. I was so lazy!

Daddy and Mason taking a nap on Christmas afternoon.

Love this.

London playing with some of her new toys at Nanny's house.



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I have TONS of pictures to sort through...Christmas Eve, Christmas morning, Sledding, Decorating Cookies, etc. Coming soon:)

xoxo

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas Season!

Happy New Years EVE!!!

Me

Happy Birthday to Jarom...

Tomorrow TODAY (since it is 12:39 a.m.) is Jarom's 32nd (possibly 33rd:) birthday!

(The truth is...I lost hundreds of brain cells when I had the Twins and I can hardly remember to charge my phone or where I put my keys....so I SURELY don't remember how old we are getting:)

I love Jarom a lot.

I thought I should take a moment and put that out there in blogland.

I've already told him...and do...every single day.

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I was thinking (talking Jarom's ear off about it actually) about how many times people have the opportunity to totally screw up their lives. Think about it....SO many choices have to line up perfectly so that you can find and be with the one who makes you truly happy. The one who shares your common goals, can make you laugh, doesn't annoy you to the point of wanting to physically assault them (oh whoops...there go my hormones again:)

The one who makes it all worth it (and by IT...I mean life and it's many curveballs).

The one who at the end of the day...(after you grew and birthed TWINS and are covered in stretch marks, and a mountain of dirty diapers is taking over your bedroom, and you've received the 10th phone call this month that says (swing by flying J and get a gallon of milk on your way home from work....) he still loves you and is still happy he gets to come home to you. (even though the last time you wore something that was your own and didn't belong to HIM was last Tuesday!

I think that's my favorite thing about Jarom.

He ALWAYS makes me feel loved and important and like what I'm doing/or not doing is ENOUGH.

It's refreshing...because women tend to be their own worst critic...and I'm not an exception.

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Last weekend (because this weekend is full of Christmas parties) we celebrated Jarom.

He came home to a yummy dinner...a cake made my me and frosted and decorated by Jaxson and a handful of presents:)

We took the traditional..FIREPLACE PICTURE to document.

(I love this picture SOOOOO much. Mostly because I love everyone in it so much my heart could burst!)

Oh crap. Looking at this picture is making me want to wake them up right now and smooch on them. SO lucky and blessed to be their mom...to get to stay home with them...and smother them daily.

Jaxson got his dad the Iphone 5 and a new case:) He was pretty excited about it and kept a good secret!

I'd like to point out Jaxson's amazing job on the cake:) He kinda missed the entire bottom layer...but it's the thought that counts! ha!

Happy Birthday Honey!

WE love you.

Thanks for working so hard.

Thanks for putting up with my spending, emotional outbursts and sometime (rarely....but happens nontheless) high-maintenance ways:) You rock.

SO glad you are mine.

xoxo

Me